How to not become a hater

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We’ve previously covered how you can use your haters as your source of motivation. For some reason, that post is one of this blog’s most popular entries. Perhaps its that dealing with negativity is so common online, perhaps it’s because of our readership’s demographics, or perhaps there is some deeper issue when it comes to how we deal with haters. Whatever the case may be, I think it would be just as useful to write a post on how to not become a hater, since that may give our readers a different view on the issue.

Misnomer problems

One of the problems with talking about haters is the misuse of the term. Nowadays it seems that merely disagreeing with someone turns you into a hater. Personally, I will use the term hater to refer to those that not only dislike an individual or a group of individuals, but who also take actions against them that may not be legally prohibited.

It may seem a weird definition, but I like it because it keeps the inoffensive individuals locked (who are just insignificant) out just as well as the real dangerous individuals (for whom better labels exist). In other words, we’re not talking about klansmen or similar people, we’re talking about the everyday douchebags and assholes that everyone has to deal with. This definition will also allow us to circunvent issues of determining intent when trying to classify someone as a hater or something else. Clearly, there is a difference in intent between someone just joking, a troll, and someone malicious intentions.

We’re all haters at some point

Let’s be a little bit honest here, we’ve all been haters at some point or another. Chances are we were more prone to hating in our younger days, and that we’ve found more important things to focus on. But the fact remains that we’ve all hated before.

Now, I would like you to think back on one of those times you hated on someone else, and reflect on how that worked out for you. Was your hating useful? Did it allow you to make your life better, to improve your circumstances? Was your hating a result of ignorance, of not knowing what was truly going on? Were you just bored and found hating on someone else a good form of enterntainment?

I’m only speaking from experience at this point, but I would argue that I’ve gotten out very little from hating on my fellow man. If anything, it made me less likable and isolated me from others. To take this reflection a little bit further, think about how often hating is done anonymously. There is a very real value to doing thing anonymously, and I’ve got a post about it already in the works, but the things that we are proud of, the sort of things we what to show off are seldomly done anonymously. As you look back on the hating you’ve done, is it really something you want to show off?

How being a hater is a waste of time

I hope the previous reflections have given you some sort of insight into what hating really is: a waste of time. In the most basic sense, why are you devoting time and resources to someone else when you could use them for your own benefit? Is it really worth it to use that time for people you don’t really like?

Unless you are making a living as a professional hater, chances are that engaging in hating someone else is just taking out time out of your life and putting it in someone else’s pocket. You know what would be better? Becoming the sort of person that others, especially strangers, want to either admire o hate, and you won’t get to that point unless you focus more on yourself than on others.

Being a hater helps those who hate

To make things worse for the haters, instead of tearing down those you hate, you are most likely building them up. Dealing with haters isn’t a new problem, and it’s most likely been done for centuries. My suggestions on how to deal with haters probably make up less than one percent of all that has been written on the subject.

Most people figure this dealing with haters stuff pretty early on, perhaps during elementary school or a little earlier. Perhaps it’s because we now interact less and less with others that the youngest generations are struggling with these issues. Whatever the case may be, eventually everyone understands how to make haters useful, and at that point, unless you are incredibly slow or are blinded by your own nonsense, haters will have little to no effect on you.

The upside to that is that very hater has their days counted. They may change targets or new haters may arrive into the picture, but the reality is that since hating is a waste of time to begin with, eventually what was once hated will garner supporters and some of its haters will end up becoming its strongest adherents.

How to not become a hater

So after taking a look at why being a hater is just selling yourself short, lets talk about some steps we can take to not become haters:

  • Understand other people’s business is none of your business: In this modern age of constant comunication and little boundaries to private information it seems that anyone’s opinions are welcome. The reality is that only a select group of people’s individual’s opinions actually matter. Chances are that if no one has asked for your input, or you have nothing to contribute, then keeping your mouth shut is the best choice.
  • You may need more business of your own: Again, modern comunications and social media have made everyday pauses and rest periods perfect oportunities to look at what others are doing. Having grown up without social media being bored meant that we had to find stuff to do to stop being bored. The ease with which we can now look into other’s lives seems to have made some people more likely to explore their own interests and engage in activities they may be curious about. If you find yourself more concerned about other’s issues rather than your own, I’d suggest being involved in more or perhaps different things.
  • Realize what are you hating for: Understand if you’re hating on someone because of who they are or what they do. The difference is key, and it seems that hating people for who they are is more common. People can very rarely change who they are, so hating on them for that is just stupid. Hating people for what they do, or how they do it, means that there’s some room for improvement if both sides can come into some form of resolution. Don’t be a hater jut because you enjoy hating.
  • Turn the situation around: What if the situation was the other way around? Is it really worth it to hate on someone because of that, would you be ok with someone hating you for it? Think about it, because I’ve found that most of the time we hate on others for truly dumb and insignificant stuff.

In closing

Now that we’ve covered some ways to stop ourselves from becoming haters it may be interesting to explore the connection between anonymity and honesty, or lack thereof. An upcoming post will be incoming.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s post, see you next week!